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How Wasting Time Being Polite Can Dull Your Sex Life
Hearing the phrase, “I don’t want to rude…” when growing up in the city, typically means the person is about to say something hella shady. And in New York City, being rude is just another skill set that many of us learn as a means to an end.
But, strangely, when it comes to sex, a lot of us clam up. We think to ourselves I don’t want to be rude and push them away. Or we think, what’s the harm in faking? I can deal. Too often we don’t say what we want from sex.
The truth is, when we are trying to be overly polite and edit our real thoughts and desires, we just might be blocking ourselves from experiencing real intimacy and sexual pleasure.
“Think about where you might be putting politeness before yourself”
So this week All The F.U.Q.s is exposing the potential consequences of being exhaustingly polite, and how to better and more healthily get what you want.
A Bunch of Us Are Fake Polite
I recently overheard a woman confiding to her friend that she was frustrated by her current partner because she could not climax when they had sex.
What was worse was the sex did not very pleasurable to begin with. But, let her tell it, and he was an adonis, and no sane person leaves an adonis!
Her friend could not understand why she could not either drop the man some knowledge or just drop the man.
Her reasoning? She did not want to come off rude. And she was nervous that her partner would judge her if she was honest with him about what she liked during sex.
So instead she was willing, for now at least, to put up with less-than-interesting sex and keep faking orgasms and pleasure.
Does this sound familiar?
You Can Deliver The Truth and Not Be Rude
But since when did telling the truth about sex have to be rude? Like most things, it is all in the intent and the delivery.
If you are being honest with yourself about what you want, like, and will try, then respect yourself and your partner enough to share that with them. If your partner is really your partner, they will hear you out and work with you.
Just be ready to hear their truth too!
Fear Of Being Rude Makes Things More Complicated
“The gag is, being overly polite catches up with us”
Baybeh- lying is already complicated. And who said relationships wouldn’t have complications anyway?
Every moment we pretend to enjoy what we don’t we are stifling the possibility to find true pleasure with ourselves and our partners. Complicated does not have to always be bad!
Creating a Self Fulfilling Prophecy
When we pretend to like what we actually dislike, in fear of making someone else uncomfortable, we are actually slowly, making things worse for ourselves.
Why?
Well, our thoughts are a powerful thing. So the more that we continue to let ourselves ignore all that does not bring us pleasure, the more of it we get! And before you know it, what we can’t stand becomes our norm.
Yikes.
Faking Catches Up With You Any Way
If you are anything like me, you can hold your breath for all of 5 seconds before you just have to speak your mind.
But sometimes, when trying not to rock the boat, you might be holding your tongue for years.
The gag is, being overly polite catches up with us. Whether it be in an argument, a silent cold shoulder, or by finding yourself or your partner in the arms of someone else… it always comes out.
The Sum Up?
So in the next coming weeks, think about where you might be putting politeness before yourself.
Once you’ve identified these moments, see if there is a trend. Write it down along with a list of what you want from a relationship or sexual partner, allocating time for yourself to think about it.
From there, use your list to steer your conversations with your partner. Choose to be honest and open yourself to opportunities for better sex, health, and relationships!
The F.U.Q.s
In my opinion,being kind is great, being overly polite does more harm than we are aware of.
Being honest doesn’t have to be rude, its all in your perspective. You can choose to see if as scary or as an opportunity for something better.
You can be understanding and also get what you want from your sex life.
You. Deserve. It. (say it x3 in front of a mirror)
Agree? Disagree? We want to hear from you. Speak your mind in the comments below!
