I Can’t Orgasm : From Never To A Regular Cumer
Last night I had a mind blowing orgasm. Last night I had the type of orgasm, that makes me pause, and catch my breath after to make sure I am still somehow planted on earth. Last night, I had the kind of orgasm that your pretty sure made your face to that weird thing that makes your partner look at you funny and then smirk.
Ok I’m not trying to brag. Ok maybe I am just a little bit. But I am certainly not looking to suggest that every sexual experience needs to end with orgasm in order to be considered successful, but when you do experience it, its important to thrive in it! Too often we think “I can’t orgasm, it does not work for me” and for many of us this does not have to be the case.
I Used To Think I Can’t Orgasm
I believed for a long time that I would never know how to orgasm, not for real. When I first started having sex as a teenager I didn’t know what an orgasm would feel like and honestly wasn’t too preoccupied with finding out. I was more interested in knowing that I could please my partner. I could always, and did, lie about how amazing the sex when my high school friend’s pressed me for details, but in all honesty there was no chance I was going to cum.
“In missionary with my knees near my ears, and my clitoral hood retracted, his pelvis grazed my clitoris at just the right angle as he rocked us back and forth.”
During sex, I was so concerned with my partner, how I could make him feel good and make sure I didn’t disappoint. In retrospect I was more of a supporting actress during sex than a leading role. I had seen enough sex scenes to know that I should fake the big O and just how to do it. The only orgasms I was able to have was with by myself, with my hands and some serious mental stimulation to relax my mind from how weird and incredible it all was.
So I came by myself and fake came with my partner. And it was my normal, especially as I experienced more partners but no new sensations. I was all about them, and I was a willing participant.
I Thought I Can’t Orgasm, Unless from Oral Sex
Orgasm from penetrative sex does not come easily for most women, but orgasm from getting your clitoris licked just right has much higher likelihood of success. Penetrative orgasms require clitoral stimulation, but often times we and our partners neglect this little tidbit.
“The only orgasms I was able to have was with by myself, with my hands and some serious mental stimulation to relax my mind from how weird and incredible it all was.”
Luckily, my teenage years dropped right around the time it was cool in the rap game to admit as a man that you licked, and definitely made sure to reap the benefits. It didn’t always feel amazing in the beginning, but I still loved oral sex. Watching a guy sliding down, gave me a moment of power control in my sex life that didn’t think I could relish in any other way.
This was major considering sex itself was still kind of awkward. With my body changing all the time and feeling the need to keep thinking about my partner, I really was not considering myself in my own sex life. I hadn’t yet learned that pleasure for everyone involved should be a part of any sexual experience.
“It was not until after college, in my TWENTIES that I got my first real penetrative orgasm.”
So for me, cunnilingus was delicious and still is but can also be tricky. Like many of you, I’ve gotten caught with some eager lickers, looking to slather their entire tongue on my clitoris to the point that it felt more like sandpaper than anything else. Determined to get mine, I took control, using my hips, hands and moans to lead the way. Whether you are the confrontational type or not, this can be a easy first step to getting your own orgasms more regularly.
Finally Getting a Penetrative Orgasm
Finally, after several parters, I experienced my first penetrative orgasm. Of course, to most of my friends, if they even asked, I lied about my orgasms in an attempt to make myself feel better about my sexual experiences, make myself seem cooler, and to justify my lame choices in partners. In high school and college, insecurity was real and controlled most of the choices that I made.
It was not until after college, in my TWENTIES that I got my first real penetrative orgasm. Fully relaxed, with a more attentive partner, I felt more confident in my abilities and my body. My partner had more stamina and curiosity that most of my other partners, who where younger and much more selfish. So with him, I was more in the moment and trusted that he and I would both ensure we were both enjoying ourselves. And I was right.
“In retrospect I was more of a supporting actress during sex than a leading role.”
It was exhilarating. In missionary with my knees near my ears, and my clitoral hood retracted, his pelvis grazed my clitoris at just the right angle as he rocked us back and forth. And then there was the orgasm I thought my body just could not handle. My increasing excitement turned him on, and we came together, powerfully, before collapsing into each other.
As I came down from my orgasm, I was in a state of disbelief and excitement. I’d climaxed with my parter, while he was inside me. I hadn’t faked it to make the sex end faster. Maybe it was because I’d stopped being in my own head for just a moment that I my body was finally able to discover a new level of pleasure.
THE F.U.Q.S
Great sex rarely happens on the first try and great orgasms are learned.
Don’t lose faith in your ability to reach orgasm through self pleasure, partner play or penetrative sex.
Speak up and try new things, explore your body and you might just be surprised with what you are able to unleash.
