So your partner pissed you off to no avail and suddenly you are both undressed and devouring each other. And it only after you're done having sex that you begin to wonder, how did THIS happen? Does having an argument arouse you? Do you use sex to resolve an problem between you and a partner?
Make-up Sex is Sexy
In a previous article, on backsliding, we admitted how easy it is to slide back into an older, known relationship. So don't get me wrong, I get how easy it is to indulge in activities that do not often have the best outcome (other than getting you to cum). Sex after an argument can be the same as backsliding, with the heightened energy blinding you both from the issues that caused the argument in the first place.
Is Make-up Sex Ever Ok?
Yes! Angry sex is not always bad, especially when the argument was trivial. If you are fighting about who gets the last bite of a pop tart, then have at it! Or, if your argument was that y'all weren't having sex- then by all means have sex if you are both feeling it! This is not an issue that can make or break a relationship. With all the blood racing through you, angry sex can actually peak your typical sexual experiences. It is when the issues are more in-depth that angry sex or make-up sex can do more harm than good.
Why Avoid Angry Sex?
So you've seen enough movies or have enough experience of your own to know that angry sex can be amazing! So why in the world would you give that up? Below find three constants during make-up sex.
Creates more fights
So you had a huge fight on an issue that was boiling over and then had crazy, intense sex. Math would tell us that if it works, keep doing it! Only issue is you are now chasing emotionally-taxing arguments so that you can get off. That kind of relationship is not sustainable or healthy. Our post on surviving after a break-up can also be used to maintain a healthy relationship.
Creates a false intimacy
Because of the heightened emotions and actions, angry sex is often misread as intimacy. Intimacy does not need to include or be shown through sex. Angry sex can be passionate, but that does not mean that passion is a lasting on. So then, after the joys of sex (which may not even happen) have worn off, or maybe even a couple days later, you can find yourself pretending to be ok when your still mad as fuck. Intimacy can exist without ever taking your clothes off and sex can be amazing without having to argue.
Does not solve the actual issue
You may have gotten the orgasm of your life, but that does NOT mean your problem disappeared! The original issue may not even come up again for a while, but it will come up. The sex would be a short term band-aid to an unaddressed and unresolved problem. What then?
the fuqs
Angry sex can resolve a problem, if your problem was silly and minute. It can bring out an unabashed side you did not know was there
Angry sex is fleeting. Some of the most positively intense sexual experiences originate from intense feelings. The feeling can be joy rather than anger.
There is no real way to get around resolving a problem but to communicate about it. Anything else, including sex, just prolongs the inevitable conversation.
