It is both Masturbation and Mental Health Month! And this combo makes perfect sense to us as All The F.U.Qs. Why? Well, a major part of sex, pleasure, and sexual enjoyment is mental. All we often worry about is being physically apt, but when we are mentally checked out, sex can be be unenjoyable and even hurtful. Masturbation, though can be a low threshold way for us to combat our mental anxieties or alleviate stresses that take up way too much space.
Earlier this year, I made a New Year’s decision to touch myself more. My reasoning was more than just to increase my orgasm count.
Mental Health and Sexual Pleasure are Linked
When we are not in a positive space, mentally or emotionally, it is challenging to desire sex and even to feel desirable ourselves. Or we might ramp up our sexual activity as a last resort feel something other than overwhelming anxiety or depression.
Both mental health and sexual health are a daily practice, that can go through some dramatic changes. If you are like me, you might take one or both for granted. I can’t tell you how many times I am riding a level happiness so long that I just expect it to continue. I can forget that I create my own happiness and that sometimes, things will get in the way of it.
“When we touch ourselves and let ourselves discover a new way to be stimulated we are also finding a new source of happiness that we can self sustain, no matter what is happening outside. ”
The same goes for sex. When I am at my best sexually (which tends to coincide with the me being at my best mentally), I am so confident that finding pleasure can feel so easy. That is, until it something changes that knocks me down and depletes my mental and sexual confidence.
Mental Health Affects Our Sex Lives
Anxiety and depression can effect out libido, our sexual desire. When this happens it can pull us down deeper into a sexual and mental hole.
Now this does not mean for all of us that a drop in libido will not allow us to perform sexually. It very well may be, that for some of us, we can still get hard or allow entry into our bodies. But our ability to experience pleasure during sex won’t be as easily accessible.
Sex can quickly turn into something to do, a way to numb ourselves and block our thoughts, or a way to punish ourselves further — by doing something that we really do not want to do.
Sometimes Sex and Mental Health Don’t Mix
Our mental health can get knocked down for a host of reasons. Sexual and emotional traumas effect so many of us.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1/3 of women and 1/6 of men have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. This means that sexual trauma is unfortunately all too common and requires real attention.
Masturbating can be as simple way to reming yourself that you are loved and that you are a source of love.
Discomfort and confusion on our sexuality can also lead to sexual determent or mental defeat. Body shaming, abuse, or even chemical imbalances in our bodies can all feed a deep depression.
With any of these situations, how can we possibly want to have sex? How can we share our space and ourselves with anyone else is such a state?
Masturbation to Alleviate Mental Health
Masturbating can be great way to combat mental angst. Earlier this year, I made a New Year’s decision to touch myself more. My reasoning was more than just to increase my orgasm count.
Self pleasure, is just that, a simple and endless supply of ways that we can find joy when nothing and no one else can for us. It is the way we can give ourselves happiness when other’s try to steal it.
Why Masturbation Can Assuage Our Mental Health
It is just you.
After a traumatic experience or when we are a mental low point, we can feel alone and separated from everything else happening around us. We distance ourselves, as a defense against people and ideas that are harmful. When alone, we give ourselves the time and opportunity to relax and process.
Masturbation is a way that alone time can be given a new purpose. Masturbation can help to reconnect with yourself is the simplest way. With sensual touches across your body, we are reminding ourselves how to feel good and how essential we are.
Solo-play can also be a necessary mental escape. Masturbation is both mental and physical stimulation. When we touch ourselves and let ourselves discover a new way to be stimulated we are also finding a new source of happiness that we can self sustain, no matter what is happening outside.
You set the pace.
It is really hard to bounce from trauma or mental defeat. There is no perfect way to know how to do it or how long it will take.
With masturbation, you can set you pace. If it is solo-play, this mean there is no need for conversations with a partner explaining how long your process back to your full self will take.
After challenging experiences, we need time to figure ourselves out. With masturbation, you can start and stop and you please, meditate, and relearn parts of yourself that can help you. There are no pressures to rush.
We can practice sensuality, appreciating each part of our bodies, individually. After traumatic experiences, this can be especially important, as a means to learn and understand our triggers.
An easier way to share ourselves with someone else.
Masturbation lowers the stakes and sexual pressures that can come with full sexual penetration. When we masturbate with solo-play or with a partner, we can focus more on intimacy. After solo play, you will have better knowledge of your body to accurately communicate your likes and dislikes with your partner.
I have had people share that after sexual traumas, they may desire to have sex, but the act itself can be triggering. Individuals for whom this true, still crave the right kind of attention and tending, but may not feel safe with penetrative sex.
Masturbation creates an alternate way for us to continue to feel intimate and desired.
Bottom Line?
This May, if you masturbate, consider when you do and why. How do you masturbate?
Masturbation is a form of self love and attention. It is one way be can mental and physically empower ourselves and be empowered by others, if we so choose.
The F.U.Qs
Masturbation is a form of self-love and self attention
With masturbation you can reconnect and rediscover yourself over and over again.
Masturbating can be as simple way to reming yourself that you are loved and that you are a source of love.
